Computer Science Links

DBA Jokes

How many DBAs does it take to make a joke about DBAs?
One, especially if he shows up for work.
How many DBAs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five, one to propose a change, three to criticise the expected performance, and one to implement the change- which requires a forceful upward screwing motion.
A DBA dies and goes to hell.
A top demon takes him to an office.
The demon sits him in a chair and tells him "Stay!".
He waits while the demon starts to fill out paperwork.
Suddenly he hears from an adjacent office: "You call that sql? That's not sql that's just typing!"
The demon flinches but doesn't look up.
The DBA asks the demon timidly; "Was that a DBA?"
"Not exactly, that's Satan. But he hasn't been tolerable since he decided to take over the database
Why do developers put a Database Administrator's handbook in their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.
What do you call someone who hangs around with computer professionals?
A DBA.
DBA walks into a bar and asks for a job.
When the woman behind the bar finds out he's a DBA she says:
"I can't have a DBA in here. All of you are weird. The last one claimed he could reorganize tables, improve our view, and was used to working with servers. But halfway through the interview he started claiming that my form wasn't normal and I had to kick him out."

Last time I updated this page: July 3, 2014.